AWP

It's my last night in Chicago, and I had a Potbelly sandwich across the the street from the Art Institute. This was not like any other AWP experience. With my book out, there was no hunger to network--at least not in the same way. I enjoyed myself, looked for interesting books and tables with very yummy refreshments (Bushmills Irish Whiskey!) I had a blast with my conference roommate, Nancy Agabian--that worked out amazingly well.

This afternoon I worked out in the gym ($10 fee grr) and was asked if I wanted to teach martial arts in the hotel. Yesterday I went to Starbucks and met a guy who does drywall, another who plays the bass, and some guy who tells terrible terrible jokes. Drywall guy gave me his card and said call him. So lots of fun interactions.

I thought I might get a drink my last night here, but it's still a bit noisy, and one conference leaves for another to enter. Already, the lanyards and different colors and name tags are different fonts. Oh, but it was fun, wasn't it!?

Seasonal Velocities

My first full-length book is finally coming out. I can't tell you how good this feels. I remember when I was young, my mother showed me a book, Pineapple White by Jon Shirota, and we were amazed that someone who looked like us could actually get a book published. I remember my father telling me there were no Asian-American writers and to pursue writing was impossible (this was even before Maxine Hong Kingston, et. al.)

But I never gave up, and times change, and people break walls..and through it all, I just keep writing. Eventually there were more Asian-American writers, and Gay/Lesbian writers, and feminist presses... But in my writing and performing and travel, I have noticed yet so many more margins and underrepresented communities.

Along the way, I have made so many friends and people with whom I want to change the world. We have complained over beer and wine and scotch and coffee about the limits and politics of the publishing game, and how we need to support our own. That is why, when Seasonal Velocities was ready, I asked my longtime friend and fellow artist, A.J. Bryce if he wouldn't mind publishing me under his Trans-Genre imprint.

I know there are larger presses, and possibly I could have landed a deal with a press like that. But with Trans-Genre, I could really work with a publisher who knew what walls we still need to break. And besides, if we don't support our own, why should anyone else?

So, if you really want to support a small press, and a new author, and collaborations between friends and allies, please consider purchasing Seasonal Velocities. I feel so good and clean about this book. There are no compromises within its pages, and I hope and trust that will make all the difference with you.

http://trans-genre.net/content/seasonal-velocities/

So yes, transphobic stuff...

No.
I try not to make too many quick statements on the many transphobic goings on in the world. There are too many of them, and for every Girl Scout trying to boycott cookies, there are a thousand less-noticed slaps in the face trans people deal with every day. Someone uses tranny in a dismissive way. So-called allies who want to use me to educate themselves about trans issues and use me for legitimacy, only to not take me seriously on women's issues. Someone mistakes an expression of outrage for "hot tranny mess."

I have heard women tell me "I thought you were hot, then I realized you were trans," as if going out with me would have been as ludicrous as dating a gorilla. I have heard gay men tell me I shouldn't make a big deal of it, that they don't believe me, and that everyone has a feminine side.

I have been to the various LGBT centers and seen trans people of color automatically treated like drug addicts and criminals, sometimes when they were applying for jobs.

And, with all this, we haven't even addressed transphobia in non-queer space.

So, I have learned to keep close to myself, my friends, and thoughts of better days. Were I to shed a tear for everyone who rightfully deserves one, there would be nothing left of me.

My comfort and weapon is my pen, with which I shall unleash all the truth and beauty that I can possibly summon. I shall try to weave dignity with my poems and my songs, and my worlds will be worlds in which the cruelest punishment is not reserved for those of us who are different, and someone, somewhere, has the means to make a better place.

And for my family, my friends, I will teach them everything about fighting I know, with the wisdom to use the techniques wisely, but without hesitation should they be attacked.

That is what I can do, most all I can do right now. The soul is not limitless, which is why sometimes I turn away from yet another ugly, horrible thing.

Realigning...reinventing...

I've always thought of myself as a writer--except when it came to profession, where I have thought of myself as "professor." It is a nice title, but it leaves me a little empty. After much thought, I realized I am a writer not just by interest, but by profession, and being a professor, which I love and enjoy, is actually my secondary job. Knowing my teaching gig is the solid paycheck that propels the rest of my career (or, perhaps re-discovering this), sets me in proper perspective and on a good track to move forward!

This came up when I decided against applying to a full-time tenure-track developmental English job. I'd basically be kissing my writing days good-bye. I have lived lean, about the same way I did as a grad student, not because I have to, but because I chose this way to write. So I shouldn't worry about others having more success than I do, or whatever whatever. I am a writer, following her heart and passion.

New Performance Work

I hope everyone is having an excellent holiday season!

I am so excited! My health is coming back and I have some performances in the works. I'll be at Claremont in late Feb, Chicago at the AWP in March and Syracuse University in April. I am sketching out a new piece based on some of my experiences during the downtime.

I am realizing the value of conflict and resolution (as opposed to not rocking the boat until one either explodes with pent-up frustration, or smothers oneself in helpless silence). When violence is used against us, it often poisons our perception of what should be a healthy part of the human psyche--anger.

Anger is not inherently a bad thing, nor is outrage nor expressions of self-worth. But abuse takes this perspective away from us, since these impulses were used against us as weapons. Someone else's rage...someone else's ego or opinion, obliterated ours. And we never want to be like that, so we suppress these emotions within us. Anger scares us, we don't deserve self-worth, we aren't confident enough for outrage.

But if we are to be anything other than victims, or shells, or children, we need to experience these emotions, and learn what our abusers did not--how to responsibly and constructively incorporate them into our thoughts, feelings and actions.

That's what my new full performance piece will be touching on--wish me luck!

Thinking back...

Translation is tough work. Translating is poetry is often more difficult than writing poetry from scratch. One of my most difficult writing assignments was for a Los Angeles Zen Buddhist Temple. The head priest asked me to translate part of the service into English from Japanese. My Japanese is not that great, and neither was his English, but I think this lack of explicit understanding actually helped us focus on the spirit and meaning of the passage.

When we were finally finished, I asked him how long this translation would be used. He looked up at me, and gave me the most wonderful confused look before he said, "Forever, of course."

One of the best moments of my writing career. 

Writing update!

Hi All,
I hope you had a nice summer. I had a very busy one, and there's still a lot to be done! I will be speaking at Syracuse University on November 14. Also, I have an essay in Transfeminist Perspectives, coming out  super-soon from Temple University Press.

The poetry has been sporadic, but fruitful, and I have some new stuff ready to fly. I am working with the Hummingbird Review on a mini-series of poems for their forthcoming issue--so excited!

The most exciting news is that I am finally having a book published, with many of the best essays, performances, and poems that I have written so far. Some work has been previously performed or published, but much of it will be completely new. I am ecstatic at how the pieces are fitting together. I can't share the publisher right now, but stay tuned! :D

Take good care, everyone!
*HUG*
Ryka