My latest essay on Egg McMuffin.Thank you, Rahne Alexander!

Rahne asked me to contribute an essay to Everday Genius. Here it is! :) http://www.everyday-genius.com/2014/02/ryka-aoki.html

A Holiday, Here and Now (A Christmas Story for y'all)

If you didn't know any better, you’d think that Millie Wong was particularly attractive to curbs. Whenever she crossed the street, whatever curb was there would stop what it was doing to catch her toe or heel, tripping her a couple of involuntary steps left or right.

Actually, Millie liked to have something attracted to her—even a curb. She felt unnoticed and oblivious to huge swaths of day or week, or season. Life wasn’t merely passing her by; existence seemed to waltz through her, often leaving her with no trace, no place, no idea of how she got from car to home to New Years once again.

Days, celebrations, stock market crashes, Rose Parades… They seemed to transpire with her without her, or whatever. Even something as political or personal as her own transition didn’t seem as definite, as real as the transitions she kept hearing about.  Her path was less of a roadmap, and more like crossing a street, catching a curb, and stumbling two feet somewhere else.

Somehow, on her way to womanhood, Millie had blundered through mascara-tinged drinking binges, well-meaning crossdresser support groups, lesbian goth catfights, some guy who sprinkled cocaine on his penis, and farmer’s markets with parsnips and a poofy loaf of sweet bread.  One night, Millie walked into a Denny’s with a handful of semen and a twenty-dollar bill. And she still wasn’t quite sure of where she had been or where she was going.

What might it mean to know one’s here and now? To be sure of one’s form, substance, location? Millie knew this was a stupid question, but it was a stupid that always seemed just a little smarter than she was, and even a confused Millie didn't like feeling stupid. So she usually tried to accept, even be grateful, for the clueless grey zones in her life.

Sometimes, such gratitude was easy. Like in November, the month where some genius placed the Transgender Day of Remembrance just a few days before Thanksgiving, forever mixing names of the dead with turkey gravy, murder rates and uncontrollable crying with pumpkin pie and Mrs Cubbison’s corn bread stuffing into one tragic, mouthwatering trannygiving mess of a month that she wanted no part of.

And yet, November would pass and here was December, and it was a particularly beautiful day, and she remembered that December was not November because December was Christmas and Christmas something she depended on every year. Christmas was reality on steroids—the lights were lightier, the songs songier, the stores even more open and welcoming than they had been all year.

 Christmas helped remind her that she was alive, a part of the world, even if she owed most of that belonging to Black Friday, Cyber Monday, extended mall hours, and the holiday Bed, Bath, and Beyond flyer she found in her mail.

Which must have been why she was at the Bed, Bath and Beyond today with an ad for a toaster oven.

***

“I’m sorry, that item’s not in stock,” the woman said.

“Oh… Well I’ll just order it online.” Millie started turning away.

“If you order here in the store, you can get free shipping, and you can use your coupon! The post office will deliver it to your door, free of charge!”

Without giving her pause to reply, the woman grabbed her arm and led Millie to another woman by a computer station.

“Nicole will help you, dear!” she said before she waved and disappeared into the festive rows of helpful household appliances.

Nicole, however, did not seem like she was going to be helping Millie any time soon. She was assisting a customer in stylish, yet sensible shoes, who insisted that Bed, Bath, and Beyond should be selling acrylic martini glasses throughout the year.

“ I don't care if it IS December,” the customer said. “I sit outside in my backyard all year round. It’s what we DO in California. Why live here if you don't sit out and enjoy the weather in December?”

Nicole tapped on the keyboard, “Yes, of course, that’s a very good point. I’ll make sure to let the managers know that we should have acrylic stemware available all year round.”

The customer shrugged. “Of course you should. It’s California, right?”

“I go to the beach in December, and send pictures to my friends on the East Coast,” Millie blurted.

The customer spun to face her.

“Exactly! It’s part of what makes winter so much fun! The rest of the country is buried in snow, while we’re outside having lazy afternoon drinks.”

Millie nodded.

Nicole stopped typing and exhaled. “O-kay. Your stemware is on its way, Mrs. Reese. Now what else do you have?”

Millie noticed the stack of 20% off coupons remaining in the customer’s hand.

Mrs. Reese pulled out her next coupon and guided Nicole through the next transaction.

“…and this goes to my Nephew Steven. We haven’t spoken all year.”

As Mrs. Reese continued, Millie stared out past her and Nicole, at the instant mini donut fryers, and double-walled plastic tumblers. She smelled the holiday-scented candles, the crisp, reassuring carpet cleaners, and inviting floor wax. The aisles were magnificently accented with snowflakes and lights and ribbons. And on them were the Nickel-plated Kitchen Aids, the sleek Keurig coffee machines, the bright green and red silicone pot holders, spatulas and muffin trays.  

“Oh, I’m sure she’ll love this. It’s really a beautiful picture frame.”

“I was thinking about getting her a Tempur-Pedic pillow, but I’m not sure if she sleeps on her back or her side.”

Nicole looked behind Mrs. Reese and noticed Millie was still waiting.

“Oh! I’m so sorry!”

“No worries, it’s all good.” Millie smiled and gave a little thumbs up.

“It really is a nice picture frame,” she added.

Mrs. Reese nodded, and one-by-one they continued through her shopping list, from the vanilla-scented flameless candles to the portable vacuum cleaner (with pet hair attachment), to the Calphalon nonstick twin pack (an especially good deal).

Finally, Nicole finished her last entry.

“There you go, Mrs, Reese, and I’ve applied all your 20% off coupons.”

“And everything is being shipped?”

“Absolutely. No charge!”

“Thank you so much,” Mrs Reese said, and as she walked past, she put her hand on Millie’s shoulder.

“And thank you, dear, for being from California.”

Nicole looked at Millie, sighed, and clasped her hands.

“I’m so sorry for the wait. Thank you so much for being so patient!”

“Oh gosh, it’s Christmas!”

Nicole stopped, and Millie suddenly wondered if she should have said “Happy Holidays” instead. Could “Nicole” be a Jewish name?

But Nicole giggled. “Yes it is. And it’s been crazy! Thanks again for understanding.”

“Gosh, thanks for being so cheerful.”

What are you buying dear?”

“A toaster oven. Here’s the model number.”

Nicole pulled up the toaster ovens on her screen. She frowned. “We don't seem to have that one.

“But this Oster looks great,” she ventured.

“It has to be Cuisinart,” Millie said. “She really likes her Cuisinart.”

“Oh… Wait a minute—is this one it?”

“Yes!”

“Perfect—we just had the numbers mixed up. No problem! And yes, we do have it online, and if we ship it today, you’ll have it before Christmas.”

“Gosh, thank you! It’s not really a Christmas gift. I put meat dumplings in my girlfriend’s toaster oven by mistake, and they burned, and she’s, well, Jewish and uh… vegan… So she can't use it anymore”

Nicole sighed.

“I get it. My wife is vegan, too.”

“Okay, all we need is your credit card and ID.”

Millie froze.  Crap! How could she be so stupid! This wasn’t a debit card purchase. And her ID still said “Victor Wong.”

“Uh…” She fumbled and finally gave Nicole her credit card and driver’s license.  

“I haven't changed that yet,” Millie muttered.

“Not a problem Ms…” Nicole looked at the license, then at Millie. Then she smiled and winked. “Not a problem at all.

“All ordered! It’ll be shipped to you by—“

“OH NO!”

“What’s wrong?”

Millie had gotten so flustered by the ID, that she had totally forgot her 20% coupon!

“Aww… don't worry, Ms. Wong. Let’s just cancel this out and do this one more time. It is Christmas, after all.”

***

As she opened the door into her apartment, Millie heard a curse and clatter from the kitchen.

“Sierra?”

“Oh shit! You’re early!” Sierra was struggling with a hot wok, which was giving off a very uncharacteristic smell.

“Sierra—you’re cooking meat?”

Sierra grunted, and measured ¼ of cooking wine. Before Millie could stop her, she tossed it into what was frying in the wok.  

"SIERRA!" It was too late. The wok exploded with a spray of steam and splatter.

“Don't worry! I got this!” said Sierra, just before she grabbed her arm and stumbled backward.

“Ow! Fucking grease!”

Millie shut off the burner, grabbed a lid and slammed the wok closed.

“What are you doing!?”

“Shit, this stir-frying isn't easy!”

“Never put water into a pan with hot oil!”

“It was wine.”

“SAME THING! Sierra! Did you burn yourself?”

“No. Well, just a little…”

Millie had already soaked a dish towel in cold water, which she placed on Sierra’s arm.

“Here.”

“Thanks, babe… OMG, that feels great.”

“Sierra—why are you cooking meat?”

“It’s ethically raised cruelty-free organic chicken.”

“It’s still meat. And you’re a vegan.”

“Well, I’ve been thinking. A lot. I kind of yelled at you pretty rough after that toaster oven thing. And it’s stupid to have two toaster ovens and two Foreman grills and two of everything in the kitchen.

“So I don't know, maybe we could work something out? I mean, I moved into your studio, and I see you how you’ve been tiptoeing around, keeping your food hidden away for me—and I don't want to do that to you anymore.”

Millie sat down.

“You okay, babe?”

“I just bought you a new toaster oven.”

“What!?!”

“It’s a Cuisinart. And it’s coming in the mail.”

“Dude! Are you serious? What the fuck are we going to do with three toaster ovens?”

Three toaster ovens? Millie didn't know. It was messed up, but it didn't feel messed up. She was confused. Should it feel messed up? Why was it messed up?

And suddenly Sierra was next to her, arm around her, leaning her back, and giving Millie the softest, gentlest, most sweetest kiss she had ever felt.

“You’re fucking amazing, babe,” Sierra whispered. “Have I told you that?”

“Merry Christmas,” Millie whispered back.

“I’m Jewish.”

“I’m Buddhist. Fuck you. Happy Holidays, then.”

“Yeah, that’ll work. Happy Holidays.”

Again Sierra kissed her, and Millie knew right here, right now, where she was, who she was…

That was all she needed to be.

Happy Holidays,  Everyone! 

--XOXOXOXOX RYKA

"A Holiday, Here and Now" by Ryka Aoki is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0 International License.

Poetry...oh..the humanity....

ugh! Sometimes poetry is super-duper frustrating! Like having the perfect hamburger that just needs a little bit of ketchup and nothing-is-coming-out-of-the-bottle.... Bonk! Bonk! UGH!

Right now, I am trying to get a bit of handle on the various blogs and stuff I'm on. Here's a link to a recent interview, with Nia King. 
http://asusjournal.org/2013/09/17/nia-king-interview-with-ryka-aoki/

See, stuff like that. Tom Leger is helping me right now! Stay tuned! I know this is an odd post, but it's a very exciting time!

:)
Ryka

Hawaiian Mac Potato Salad

Serves: an extended family

Ingredients

3/4 pounds elbow macaroni

2 russet potatoes, peeled  

8 hard boiled eggs (fresh eggs are best, and try not to overboil)

Best Foods Mayonnaise (the only acceptable brand)

1 cup frozen peas (you can add less peas, but I like peas.)

1 can bay shrimp. Instead of bay shrimp, you can add crab meat if you want to be fancy, or Spam, if you want to be unfancy.

salt and pepper (Johnnie’s or Lawry’s can work here)

Optional

¼ cup grated (not sliced) onion. I don't add this ‘cuz my family is so-so on onions.

1 tbsp cider vinegar, if you must. I think this screws up the taste, but some people like it. I think they must be from O’ahu.

Note: Don't even think of adding Italian dressing or pickle relish.

·       Boil the macaroni. Overcook it a bit so it gets softer. Strain and rinse with cold water.

·       Rinse, boil, and dice the potatoes. It’s okay if the fall apart a little.

·       Peel and dice the eggs. Or just use an egg slicer if you're not too picky.

·       Drain and rinse the shrimp.

·       Combine everything except the salt and pepper into a big mixing bowl. Add 2 cups of  mayonnaise right away, then more until the whole thing sounds sloppy and wet. Mix gently with your hand so as not to crush the potatoes and eggs.  

·       Salt and pepper to just less than taste. As the flavors combine, the seasonings go farther.

·       Cover and put in the fridge. Tastes best if kept overnight. Some people sprinkle paprika over the top before serving. I think it’s kind of pretty that way.

It’s December 2012, and I am terrified. My mother is sick, so I am making the family Christmas dinner. Main dishes? No problem. Veggies? Fine. What is scaring me is the mac salad. Mac salad seems simple, but the way we make it in the islands is special. Get haole mac salad and local mac salad, and from the first bite, you can tell. You have to get it right, otherwise the meal isn't local. Usually one person in the family makes the mac salad.

So I am freakin’ nervous. I know the basics. Overcook the macaroni. Add shrimp. Boil fresh eggs. Use only Best Foods mayonnaise. But still I have no confidence. Then, I start, and the weirdest thing happens. I start to flash back. I see my mother peeling the potatoes. I see my grandmother mixing the mayo. And when I start mixing, I remember that my grandma knew she had added enough, not by a measuring cup, but by the sound.

I finish the salad, and the next day, I give my mother a spoon. She tastes it, looks at me, and seems surprised. I think it's a good surprised. Then she says, “Hey… This real Hawaiian mac salad!” I swear this is one of the best moments of my life. I want to jump and shout I did it! And after dinner, she tells me, “from now on, you make the mac salad for us.”

--Ryka Aoki

Publication updates! :)

Hi All! I’m feeling very blessed. I have a verbal agreement with Biyuti Publishing to publish my first complete book of poetry. I will start compiling it after He Mele a Hilo is delivered to Topside Press. Folks, it has been a tough couple of weeks, and being trans can be tough all around. I have talked to my friends and seriously, one thing so many trans folk have in common is we know a lot of people who are no longer with us. Sometimes it’s so hard just to do the normal everyday things in life. I wish things were easier. But, here we are—and for me, writing is my way of making life livable again. Thank you for reading this, and thank you for being in the world with me.

Cal State Fullerton Lavender Commencement Address

Visions (Perceptions) of Possibilities.

Lavender Graduation 2013 Keynote by Ryka Aoki

Thank you for inviting me to be part of this day. Congratulations! I am honored to be speaking in front of you, the Cal State Fullerton’s Lavender Graduating Class of 2013. I’d like to thank Cal State Fullerton’s Multicultural Leadership Center, and Dean of Students Lea Jarnagin for inviting me. But most of all, I want to thank you, for all your hard work and achievement. You did it! Look at you!

Writing and Performing

As rewarding as it was to tour with the "Fully Functional Cabaret," I will not be doing that show, or shows like it, again. :)

For me, it's time to do some work, to write, to push my voice--all the good stuff I've dreamed about doing. The Rainbow Book Fair in New York was incredibly affirming, as have been the last AWP conferences I've attended, and the fine people I've met at the Southern California Writer's Conferences. Through it all, I realize that I have everything, right here, right now, to create good work.

The Cabaret can recast my part--in fact, a rotating cast might be the best way for the show to propagate and grow. I will still perform and create pieces, but these will be more personal--not as an actor in a traveling pre-existing show. And, gosh! There are plenty of wonderful, talented, hungry actors who would benefit so much from the opportunity!

As for me--I have this story set in Los Angeles, with a family that.... :)

So... latest writing projects...

Well, my novel manuscript, He Mele a Hilo is finished, an now I am working query letter and synopsis. Wish me luck! So excited!

I have started my second novel today--it felt great to be back creating again. I love getting back to  the blank sheet of paper... This one is set in Los Angeles, at least for now. More on it later.

Also, I am working on some poems for a full manuscript due later this year and and and I will be starting soon on a performance piece to be staged in May.

Editing Tip!

My editor just told me to read my entire novel OUT LOUD and correct errors that way. Only two chapters done, but seriously--OMFG.... Totally eye-opening. I thought my manuscript was as close to perfect as I could get it--but all kinds of stuff popping out--not errors, but flow and tone flaws...places where I can tweak just a bit to make each character more distinct. Holy crud. 

Seriously, I am doing this with any major piece of writing I do from here on in. Yes, I teach this to my students for their papers, but for an entire novel--I thought my internal narration was enough. Nope. The physical act of moving air and sound through my lips, the laying of sound on the vocal chords, the gestures the words induce... Reading out loud becomes even more valuable.

I consider myself happily and gratefully reminded of a critical editing technique. Yay!

And a last one from "In Search of Geishaghost"

An Understanding Love

And there’s a rain coming down

all around us tonight

where we go doesn’t matter--

no direction is right. 

The engine is running, and the radio’s on

and you ask who will miss us

when we’re gone.

And there’s a storm coming in

from the ocean tonight

and the wind won’t stop running,

like a thief taking flight,

from the scene of a crime

that she didn’t do

and the fear in its footsteps

is the fear that’s in you.

And wherever we are, where no poetry is heard

take shelter in my vision, take shelter in my word.

And I will bring

an understanding love

when your heart lies as empty

as the church late at night.

When some notes on a napkin

hold all of our dreams,

an understanding love

is closer than it seems

to be.

A stranger can hold

the answer to the quest.

But only a true love

can hold the helplessness.

In the rain, in the storm,

on deserted streets we drive,

let me navigate this journey

let me keep us alive.

And wherever we are, when every turn is wrong

take shelter in my vision, take shelter in my song.

And I will bring

an understanding love

when your heart lies as empty

as the church late at night.

When some notes on a napkin

hold all of our dreams,

an understanding love

is closer than it seems

to be.

And I will bring

an understanding love

when you say there’s no answer

there’s no reason to fight.

When you know that we’re tired,

but forget what that means,

an understanding love

is closer than it seems

to be.

A song from "In Search of Geishaghost"

Never in Love With You

           

You say you’d never hurt me.

You say you’d never leave

if you were with me.

But you can never be with me…

And I know the sun will never rain.

The moon will never fall.

A stone will never cry.

And I will never be with you.

I will never be with you.

And I know that

if never means the same to you

as never means to me.

Then we can be never together

never in love

And I’ve never been as happy

with all that never can be

never wake up in the morning

never kiss you goodnight

and I’m never in love

never in love

never in love

with you.

If I were someone else

If this were another time

If no one else was watching

If no one else was watching

We’d take each other

take each other

take each other…away.

And I would never hurt you.

And I would never leave

if I were with you.

But I can never be with you…

And I know that

if never means the same to you

as never means to me.

Then we can be never together

never in love

And I’ve never been as happy

with all that never can be

never wake up in the morning

never kiss you goodnight

and I’m never in love

never in love

never in love

with you.

Another song from "In Search of Geishaghost"

Riding with Angels

And there’s a mountain so high

That angels run out of sky

Their wings can’t fly them any higher, so they fall

Like I have fallen, fallen from the sky

Fallen from eye.

There is an ocean so wide

That angels never dare to cross

They fly in circles, afraid they might get lost

Like I am lost, lost out at sea

Lost within me.

I’m looking out, like a traveler looking in

at wedding bells and back to schools and all that might have been

and I would pick some daisies that would make our house a home

instead of passing through this town alone.

I’m sorry for complicating everybody’s way

an extra empty chair on a cousin’s wedding day

And I may never whisper to a lover on the phone

or lullaby a child of our own.

(harmonica)

I’m on a never-ending train

That runs on whiskey, tears, and shame

There's no destination, there’s just stops along the way

And I am riding,

Riding with angels

And I am riding,

Riding with angels

Fallen, lost, hidden, riding.

Riding with angels.

--Ryka Aoki 

On an Active Readership

The more I tour, clearer that two things become--First, as a writer, I have more impact upon people and readers than I thought possible. It takes a stretch to understand that in the small press world, the people who encounter you are often a self-selecting readership, and are so grateful when they connect with a story, poem or book. It's humbling to get feedback from across the country. I am so grateful. Thank you.

The second truth that has become more evident is even more important. One reader. Seriously--ONE reader who blogs or posts, or spreads the word to others about a book impacts an entire press. Small press world is not like Random House, where readers are thought of statistically. I track myself. AJ at Trans-Genre tracks everything. Tom Leger at Topside, ditto. If you like something and tell people about it, it matters.

I think that this is one of the less-publicized, but extremely important functions of small presses. They not only give power to writers. They also give power to readers. Say a book sells 500 copies. Seriously--that's not a bad run at all. If one person blogs about it, and 8 people buy it for a reading group, or a teacher orders 25 copies for a class, that is a major major impact. As for that blogger--of course sie will be noticed, and perhaps sie may even get a review copy of the next book later.

Active readers, active writers, active publishers and editors all involved and engaged and enthusiastic. Darned good world, dontcha think?

From a reader of The Collection from Topside Press

From a reader, on reading To the New World" by Ryka Aoki. 
"I identified with Millie Wong more than any other trans woman character I've read (admittedly a tiny pool of candidates): the little politically-incorrect pleasures she takes in being a woman, the unsureness and loneliness behind her tolerance of her offensive lesbian friend Sierra."

Wow. I am really happy with Topside Press and The Collection. I was wondering where I would place that story, and they were so easy to work with. Check it out!

Good News from Ireland!

Wow! Just found out I was a commended author for the 2012 Sean O'Faolain Prize. It's an international literary battle royal. Almost 1000 entries and my latest short story, "Like Bits of Broken Glass," was one of the top 24. Just giddy right now. I think I can play with the big boys! More here! :)

A quick word on my audience for Seasonal Velocities and every other gollydarned thing I write.

It is absurd to assume lessons learned from being trans, female, queer, or a person of color should only be useful to trans, female, queer people of color. If we hope our words can make this world a wiser and more compassionate place, then we must send our words with blessings to reach everyone in this world. If we say our stories are just as indispensably human as anyone else’s, then they must thrive as other stories do—in new and novel readings by readers who live far beyond whatever curvature our own horizons follow.

Order Seasonal Velocities from Trans-Genre Press! :)

Cal Poly Pomona Commencement Address and Thoughts for Lavender Grads Everywhere.

On May 31, I had the honor of addressing Cal Poly Pomona's Lavender Graduation. This is my message to all LGBTIQQ graduates: Embrace the strengths and skills that living queer has given you and use them--employ them not just to survive, nor even to succeed--but to redefine what success can be.

To Queer the American Dream

Thank you for allowing me to be part of this day. Congratulations! I am honored to be speaking in front of you, the Cal Poly Pomona’s Lavender Graduating Class of 2012. I’d like to thank Cal Poly Pomona’s Division of Student Affairs. I’d like to thank the Pride Center. But most of all, I want to thank you, for all your hard work and achievement. You did it! Look at you!

So, I look at all of you, ready to take the next step outward—and wow—we have a world to look forward to—don't we? Hey any of you expecting to get a nice job, protected by your union, with a good health plan, and some overtime? Think you’re gonna work hard at the office in order to raise a family, send them off to college, travel a little in your retirement?

Yeah?  A couple days ago NPR started a whole series called “American Dreams,” which no doubt is timed to come out near graduation. Their first two titles? “American Dream Faces Harsh New Reality” and “More Americans Putting The 'Dream' On Hold.” Way to get a generation going, don't you think? To be fair, the data looks grim.  Let’s see… The banking system has collapsed. 11 million people owe more on their mortgage than their homes are worth. Detroit is in danger of turning off half its lights because it can't pay the electric bill.  In the meantime, Afghanistan is costing us three hundred million dollars. A day.

I have students who are going out into the world, and they’re terrified about not having the things their parents had. They worry that the same opportunity—for a good job a career, a comfy salary, a house—won't be there. And, judging from what the mainstream news (and even NPR) says, they won’t. To be honest, I’m a little worried for them. I mean, I hear even pharmacy school grads are having problems finding jobs. 

But you. I’m not worried. Not one bit! See—'cuz you weren’t mainstream, anyway.

Transfeminist Perspectives

A. Finn Enke's superb anthology Transfeminist Perspectives in and beyond Transgender and Gender Studies (Temple University Press) has just come out. I am extremely honored to be included in the anthology and even given the last word. There are some incredible writers within the pages, and I hope you check it out.

I especially like the anthology because it refuses to stay within expected academic confines. Often, when a field of study branches either into or out from another, it becomes curiously conservative (we can be even better academic theory-weenies than you). It is as if, in asserting diversity, marginalized scholars feel compelled to adopt the language of the oppressor. Or, perhaps those who make the best mimics are the ones who get recognized. Suddenly there is the call for a canon, a tradition, and whatever the cause, what results are nearsighted useless turf wars that neither serve to advance diversity, nor present any alternatives to marginalization.

Enke's selection refuses to do this. In fact, her selection seeks to avoid the appearance of overarching theory, or even agreement. And what follows is not rabble and chaos, but a deeper sense of shared, if not purpose, respect and sentiment. Enke trusts not simply her writers' ability to express themselves, but also their ability to look sideways and forward to places where there are still no answers, and the resonances that result are far more challenging and thought-provoking than any slapdash, predictable platitude.

Exploding Toothpaste

Here's a song for traveling and our friends at Airport Security. :) The chords are a bit off--but if you want, and I have my guitar around, I can sing it for ya! ;)



Exploding Toothpaste 

There’s two hours left before my plane leaves the gate G
But I’m worried that I might be already late Em
Cuz it’s an orange alert and the line to the x-ray machine C D
goes around and around     D
and the TSA rent-a-cop is yelling again
saying keep the line moving like we’re already in
the Soviet Union where everyone says
they could pull you into a room to be never seen again

And I’m really really glad the plane doesn’t explode
But I’ve been on many planes and truth to be told
Not a single plane blew up because a struggling musician
took her guitar on board. Or her toothpaste exploded.

But instead of protesting and making scene C
I just take off my shoes and walk through the machine G
And I wonder how many more lines it will take C
how many more lines, how many more lines… D
You can’t go anywhere without your picture ID
In the home of the brave and the land of the free
What the hell’s the point of saluting the flag
when a mom must put her breast milk in a see-through plastic bag?

Now I got a nice suitcase with a lock on the side
but now all that means is I have something to hide
But since when is a government’s word good enough
to let a man I don't know search through all of my stuff?

And I know that some of you might say I’m being naïve
But I wonder is it gullible to say I believe
While we’re all so fucking worried about liquids and shoes
we should pay more attention to the freedoms we lose
‘cuz they say that we must do everything we must do
but Joseph McCarthy once seemed reasonable too
And I wonder will I ever see
why we’re giving up our freedom so that we can be free--

it’s exploding toothpaste!

we’re trading lives for oil but there’s exploding toothpaste
The ice caps are melting
but there’s exploding toothpaste
You can’t be free while there’s exploding toothpaste
I take off my shoes and pledge allegiance
to the United States of Exploding Toothpaste

My forthcoming book now has a Facebook page!

Now with nicer easier-to-remember name! Yay!


http://www.facebook.com/seasonalvelocities