Visions (Perceptions) of Possibilities.
Lavender Graduation 2013 Keynote by Ryka Aoki
Thank you
for inviting me to be part of this day. Congratulations! I am honored to be
speaking in front of you, the Cal State Fullerton’s Lavender Graduating Class
of 2013. I’d like to thank Cal State Fullerton’s Multicultural Leadership
Center, and Dean of Students Lea Jarnagin for inviting me. But most of all, I
want to thank you, for all your hard work and achievement. You did it! Look at
you!
Look at you. Gosh, I had some
things to say, but just look at you. Look at you in your academic muu-muus and
funky hats. Reminds me how special a
time this is. Whether you further your education within or without the academy,
this is the kind of milestone that you will look back upon, pretty much for the
rest of your lives. I know it
sounds corny but in not too many years, trust me, you’ll get all nostalgic for
your school. And more than nostalgia, gratitude—that’s the weird thing—the more
you advance, the more you will realize and value what you learned as a queer student
on this campus.
Because a change is gonna come!
Seriously. When I was where you are, I was a man. Go figure.
But besides that sort of personal
stuff, the world changes. When I
was where you are, the world was different. We may have hated institutions, but
there was also something called selling out.
Gosh… I remember talking to my
classmates ways in which someone could make bank – at different stages of my
life it was (petroleum (if you wanted to sell your soul to Exxon), the web
(though no one knew how), day trading (people thought they knew how, but they
didn’t really), flipping houses (if you had enough money to buy a couple to
start with).
Nowadays? Sheesh! There is no selling
out! Make bank? What bank? The banks are broken! Most folks can't afford new
homes, and come to find out—investing in the market was not fair to individual
traders (duh!) Energy companies aren't hiring like they used to. And no one’s
buying souls anymore. (And sheesh—you know how hard it is to get tenure,
lately?)
Oh, and in a generation or two,
Minnesota might be a tropical paradise.
And guess what? On top of all that,
you’re all queer! That’s going to really help you go forward, isn't it? Like
all this glitter and sparkle is gonna help you get success in life.
Well, actually, it is.
I think about my own situation. After
I decided that living like a guy for the rest of my life was impossible. Everything
was gone. Not with a bang. They just left. My judo coaches wouldn't talk to me.
My band disappeared. And because I was coming out in stages, not even my
publishing credits from before transition came forward with me.
It seemed ironic and unfair. As
long as I was wrong on the inside, everything around me proceeded nicely. The
moment I started asserting who I really was, all of a sudden I’m this creepy
awkward, queer with no ties to my past life, or the future one, getting strange
looks at the sandwich shop and holding my urine because I was too terrified to
use a public restroom.
It was freaky! I got to be me, which sounded great,
but the institutions that I had depended upon, institutions that in my life
were supposed to be constant like friends and family and even bathrooms…failed.
So, when the banks collapsed, and I
heard shocked reports saying those institutions were too big to fail? I thought—holy
crud that sounds familiar!
And, before that on 9/11 when those
towers came crashing down. I realized, I already said goodbye to people from
unexpected attacks. I’ve said bye to people who have been bashed. I’ve said bye
to people who have died from AIDS, I’ve said bye to people who lost themselves
in their despair. And I’ve said bye to people who want nothing more to do with
me.
It’s not that what doesn't kill you
makes you stronger. I don't feel particularly strong. But survival is a
fantastic teacher. It can teach you skills, give you a sense of yourself that can
benefit and protect you down the road. Go figure, all the stuff that I thought
I had to hide and partition, all of those strategies I made—all that time, life
was simply moving forward. I lived, I learned, I grew. I lived some more.
So, where to go from here?
I suppose that brings us to our
theme for this evening. “Visions of Possibilities.”
But before I go further, if I had a
red pen, I would mark “Visions.” (because
I’m an English professor, I get to do that.) Not all my friends are sighted.
Instead, I would substitute “perceptions of possibilities,” the way Helen
Keller first perceived that cool flowing thing that her teacher poured on her
hand was water. Or the way humming a song can take you on a bus ride from an
abusive past to a new exciting future, even when you might be too tired to have
a dream of your own.
So, perceptions of possibilities.
Here you are. What can you do with them?
What are the possibilities? You’re
all fabulous—what does it mean to own that fabulous? How will you use it? What
will you invest in?
Part of your work, I hope will stay
within our chosen family; to help others come out and be accepted. To continue
to push the LGBT rainbow into the infrared and ultraviolet. Just a generation
ago it would have been virtually impossible for someone like me to speak to you
at an institution such as this. My very presence here is testament to the work
you and your predecessors have done to change the world—already!
If you do nothing else in your
lives, your accomplishments have already changed the world. You’ve shown you
can be gay, you can be trans, you can walk with a cane, or go to a Banana
Republic and not have a single piece of clothing remotely fit you. And yes, not
in spite of this, but because of this, you can finally find community, a
necessary community. And in the meantime you’ve passed enough classes to wear
that funky cap and gown.
But remaining even the most
nurturing community has its limits, simply because it is not in human nature to
be nurtured at all times.
We go in to the world to challenge
ourselves, stretch the idea of what we can do. Perceive not just the
possibilities, but the “what everyone around you says is IM-possibilities.” Besides
each of you encompasses so many different identities. Why restrict all you are
into one narrow channel?
Beyond that, I believe that if we
expect others to recognize that LGBT rights equal human rights, then we are
obligated to recognize that LGBT gains must equal human gains, as well. An
identity that does not result, sooner or later, in helping the rest of the
world is not an identity I want to have.
Rather than an obligation, think of
it as an opportunity. I look at my straight friends and sometimes I wonder what
sorts of rocks they’ve been hiding under. All concerned with being an American,
a man, a woman, a Christian. What does love mean? What does faith mean? I have
watched their definitions harden and constrict like the arteries within the
body of a middle-aged nation.
Right now, some boy in Tucson wants
to learn how to play clarinet, and decides not to because that would seem gay.
A schoolteacher in Brooklyn wants to learn to speak Arabic, but that would seem
un-patriotic. A plumber in Memphis wants to learn more about wines, but that
would make him seem like a libtard. A woman in Honululu knows that the
microwave oven really doesn't do anything to the “energy” of the oxygen atoms,
but admitting that would get dirty looks from her yoga friends.
We live in a time where everyone
seems to feel in some way, inadequate, or that what they think or desire is
somehow the mark of queerness. As if being queer were that easy, right? Men wonder if they are manly enough,
women if they’re womanly enough. Albanians if they’re Albanian enough. Old
folks want to be young, young folks want to be anime characters.
This does not sound a free society.
I don't see how this is free at all. Really, does it really make you less than a man if you
don't drink enough Red Bulls?
With an impossibly narrow view—of
hegemony, of straightness, of success—only restricts, bullies, and silences us,
we are all living in a type of closet.
Why not just be honest to yourself?
Come out, in whatever way you can?
Well, of course we know the answer.
It can be scary hard. Even “coming out” is a misnomer. It’s not an event—it’s a
process and a journey that is different for many people. It’s in many ways
never complete. Why do we know this? Because we’ve been there. We’ve had to
work this out to survive.
But this is new ground for people
who have never had their identities invalidated. Maybe when you’ve been straight, it can be hard to see outside
the narrow. And this is how our queer experiences can benefit the world around
us. This is where, I would ask you to see possibilities, the implications of
leading people out of their closets.
Think of how much better the world
would be if we could instruct others in how to come out. Because if accepting
someone’s identity as a trans woman—despite appearances—can liberate her,
acceptance can liberate a straight man, as well. Put the Red Bull down. It’s ok! Here’s some juice!
Yes, in challenging times, people
want the sure thing. They want to know who is good? Who is Evil? What’s proper,
what’s not proper? What safe, what’s dangerous?
But as queers, dealing with our
friends and families, we know this is not so clear-cut. We’ve struggled within
our biological family, but noticed that these struggles can sometimes belie a
deeper love. We’ve found chosen family, but even there, we have seen people
oppressing others.
So instead of trusting false
security of labels, we have invested in the faulty, yet human virtues of
wisdom, trust, acceptance. Instead
of basing identities in appearances, we have discovered self-determination, and
shape our behaviors not through regulations, but through compassion and
understanding.
And that is exactly what you have
studied, learned, and yes, become experts in while here and out and proud at
Cal State Fullerton.
As you go forward, do not think of
this experience, the LGBT experience, as categorically different from the
general student experience. Don't think of it as something you did while others
were doing proper college work. Acquiring the knowledge and expertise to
improve the world? This is higher
education at its most noble. This brings honor to you, your school, and the
entire Cal State system.
Think of this Lavender Graduation
as graduating with honors, for advanced studies in identity, in the human
condition, in surviving under fire, in resiliency, in vision, in understanding
that sometimes people who look different on the outside are more than just
humans, they can be friends, companions, allies, business associates, mentors.
Think of the accolades and applause
you receive here as recognition for achievement in growing a thriving, powerful
community in the face of misunderstanding. Heck for doing this in Fullerton, in
the OC, you should get an extra gold star.
Now, how you use this knowledge is
up to you. You may give it away, you may sell it. You may become leaders, or
you may lead from behind the scenes. You may be a wise parent; you may discover
a new way to fight cancer. Or both. In all this you experiences as queer and
out and proud will guide you, inform you, and shine the way for others to
follow.
However, if I would have you
remember one thing from my talk today, it is this: the only way to make the
world a better place is to treat it better than perhaps it has treated us. It’s
simple math.
Now, perceive your future, not
simply having a place at the table, but to be a pioneer, an expert, a leader.
Where the skills you have gained to come out can help not only other members of
our LGBT family, but all members of our human finally out of their closets, as
well.
Can you perceive the possibilities?
Because they are not dreams. They are options. Much like the gowns you wear,
you have earned them through your dedication, your courage, and your will. Are
you ready?
Are you ready?
Of course you are. I look forward
to living in the world you will shape, create, and nurture.
Congratulations, best wishes, and
much, much love.
