I just found out yesterday that I won the first Eli Coppola Memorial Chapbook Contest... I am still in a bit of shock--it has been disappointment after disappointment with publishers, and I have seriously been wondering if I was ever going to get published as a poet again.
Being trans queer is a weird double-edged sword. I have been remarkably fortunate. I have toured and performed and spoken and met some of the best people a girl could ever dream of meeting. I have worked with musicians and filmmakers, and dancers, and wow... I was even picked up for a reading in a limousine.
But, at the risk of sounding ungrateful, I want more than that. I write poetry not just for trans people, but for myself and anyone, trans, or queer, or not. And, I wonder how my work actually fares when placed next to the poets and artists--trans, queer, or not--who inspire me. I want to believe that my work is good on its own, and not just included because I happen to ID a certain way.
Up until now, maintaining that belief has been difficult. As Ryka, I have only been published as a poet once in a non-trans setting, and never in a non lgbt setting. I was doubting myself, and any fringes of talent I was supposed to have retained. But thanks to some weird determination and the help of some very close friends... I have been able to write and take myself seriously.
I was in a 24 hr Post Office kiosk at 2 am to get this manuscript in. I was tired and sad and depressed. But I forced myself to complete the manuscript and put it in an envelope and rewrite the mailing label twice because I kept fucking up the spelling...
When I got an email back, I thought, "great! I wonder who won?" Then I read "congratulations" and I was like, "Huh? What does that mean?" Then I shouted. Then I cried...
Then my friend told me about Eli Coppola, showed me some of her work...and I am even more honored and grateful. Wow.
Being trans queer is a weird double-edged sword. I have been remarkably fortunate. I have toured and performed and spoken and met some of the best people a girl could ever dream of meeting. I have worked with musicians and filmmakers, and dancers, and wow... I was even picked up for a reading in a limousine.
But, at the risk of sounding ungrateful, I want more than that. I write poetry not just for trans people, but for myself and anyone, trans, or queer, or not. And, I wonder how my work actually fares when placed next to the poets and artists--trans, queer, or not--who inspire me. I want to believe that my work is good on its own, and not just included because I happen to ID a certain way.
Up until now, maintaining that belief has been difficult. As Ryka, I have only been published as a poet once in a non-trans setting, and never in a non lgbt setting. I was doubting myself, and any fringes of talent I was supposed to have retained. But thanks to some weird determination and the help of some very close friends... I have been able to write and take myself seriously.
I was in a 24 hr Post Office kiosk at 2 am to get this manuscript in. I was tired and sad and depressed. But I forced myself to complete the manuscript and put it in an envelope and rewrite the mailing label twice because I kept fucking up the spelling...
When I got an email back, I thought, "great! I wonder who won?" Then I read "congratulations" and I was like, "Huh? What does that mean?" Then I shouted. Then I cried...
Then my friend told me about Eli Coppola, showed me some of her work...and I am even more honored and grateful. Wow.
